dan-in-shangai-2000-tight-crop1FIRST WARNING:

DO NOT READ THIS SENTENCE – unless you are willing to experience potentially irreversible changes in enlightenment as a result of knowledge acquired by the use of reasoning, intuition and keen perception.

And for those brave souls who give no heed to this announcement – those radical free-thinkers who refuse to conform to the dictates, orders and demands of so-called authorities and who are willing to go where angels fear to tread – I offer these words of guidance: abandon hope all ye who enter here.

For you will find the words of the writing to follow entitled – one sentence – to be without ruth for the uninitiated, without pity for the uninformed, without compassion for the undisciplined in the use of the English language. And to those of you who have made it this far, if any doubt exists that words have meaning and actions have consequences . . . I urge you to put this page down and stop reading now. For once you put your feet on the route toward knowledge, wisdom, truth and freedom through the written word, there is no turning back.


DO NOT CONTINUE – as ye may never be the same again. Be forewarned by notice given hereby that the writing to follow may precipitate a high degree of epiphanic intellectual stimulation, cognitive arousal, cerebral or visceral aspiration and an increased ability to think and reason toward the end of conceptual understanding. As such, it will require more than a passing interest in the written word as a requisite for enjoyment thereof.

Further, for those who perceive something worthwhile in this process and who possess requisite discipline sufficient to see it through to its end, the resultant comprehension created thereby may – in rare cases – cause a state of cognitive dissonance to surface, a direct consequence of the conflict between two or more simultaneously held but inaccurate beliefs or attitudes clutched to ones’ bosom as sooth. Symptoms associated with such afflictions may include uncomfortable sensations of enlightenment, mental expansion and spiritual growth resulting from the direct involvement and application of the mental processes of abstract thought – as this faculty may well have been neglected, ignored or abused for decades and the unanticipated calling it into use could result in great – though temporary – discomfort and instability.


DANGER: CLEAR THINKING AHEAD. In particular, do not attempt to read or comprehend the writing to follow while operating heavy machinery or flipping lightweight hamburgers as an epiphany could occur – a sudden intuitive leap of understanding and enlightenment – which may serve to whet or awaken a voracious, insatiable appetite for further knowledge, awareness and freedom, only to be quenched by an even greater exposure to the written word and the concomitant pleasures contained therein.

And in this manner, threaten an otherwise dull and doomed existence dictated by the domination of prejudice over observation, the nullification of reason by ignorance, the subjugation of individual will by force, and bringing about at last, the suppression of freedom by making the chains of slavery seem inevitable and yes – to some – even desirable. And finally, for those hardy few who have taken no heed of the previous warnings and who are still with me ready and willing to examine the pith of this discussion . . . a final proviso.

Do not begin reading – one sentence – in the middle of your favorite TV program; if you’re rushing out to pick up your cat from the veterinarian or if you’re excitedly immersed in planning your next trip to Disneyland or Las Vegas. Rid yourself of all distractions, dispersals and diversions so that your attention is under your control and directed to the matter at hand. In so doing, you may discover – possibly for the first time – a degree of control over your thoughts, emotions and body never before imagined. Please don’t take only my word to experience the efficacy of this concept. Take a moment and try this for yourself.

Observe that whatever your attention is on tends to dictate what you are thinking about and that this simulates various emotions and reactions associated with such thoughts – invariably bringing about subtle or dramatic changes in the body itself.

The changes thusly created can be desirable or not as they are controlled largely by what your attention is on. Now then, if the application of this concept leaves you with a feeling of diminished stress and somehow more able to control yourself and your life, don’t blame me for simply reminding you of who is really running the show.

Further, as the writing soon to follow will fall on blind eyes and deaf ears unless you have your attention thoroughly under your control, proceed no further until this proviso above has been satisfied.

DISCLAIMER: The author disavows any responsibility for the unexpected awakening of any personal mental, cognitive abilities or other such natural occurrences producing desirable changes or developments resulting from reading and understanding this writing; for any awareness stimulated, any new ability to reason, think, cogitate or form complete sentences of rational thought as a consequence of this writing is due solely to being reminded of ones native awareness and abilities – which in fact is the true source of any benefit obtained thereby; as it has little to do with stimuli from the words, sentences and concepts of the author and everything to do with yourself.

Note: although written on April 1, it is not a joke. This missive was written in one sitting early one morning in response to an email received from a friend in a distant State, which began ominously as follows:

” . . . this week has not been one of great accord, harmony and enchantment. But I have attempted to reconcile it as best I could.”

The message went on to describe of a plight of considerable distress and unease. As I knew this friend had a propensity toward understatement and a deep appreciation of interesting writing and compound thought, I felt compelled to do something to help lessen his stress.

Contemplating further that my response to his email might be of interest or benefit to others, it is hereby tendered for your edification, enlightenment and possible amusement. Certainly the longest sentence I’ve ever written.

So here it is – one sentence – an exercise of words to stretch the mind and enhance the spirit with an embedded message thrown in for good measure.
– daniel w. jacobs, April 1, 2005

*    *    *


Noting the lateness of the hour of your writing and the troublesome nature of the first sentence of your letter as symptoms of a spirit ill at ease, I suspect that your “dis+stress” level has been rising to a degree inconsistent with any healthy mental, physical and more importantly, spiritual condition . . . but unfortunately, all I can offer is sympathy and the words of this correspondence to provide a temporary respite and mental diversion from the stress; hopefully to provide an opportunity for creating something more interesting and engaging than the “noise” of the real world in a manner which you might find worthy of your time and attention – so it is with this writing, which is offered to you as an exchange for your contribution of same to my well-being in your current and previous emails, as I have found that I look forward to each correspondence and know they will be at least a meaningful combination of printed symbols, representing in text a particular sound or combinations of sounds, forming a single word or a group of words that express a complete thought resulting in an accompanying feeling or idea in a language that I can comprehend, understand and derive insight from as a result of absorbing the concepts contained therein; and yes, I know . . . the preceding passage is an obvious exercise in sophomoric verbosity and rhetorical pretentiousness – not exactly a subtle point really – but I find that I also enjoy such exercises from time to time, as I know you do as well, if only to engage sometimes underutilized cerebral interests and abilities, to provide some vital mental exercise to keep on top of my game so to speak and also simply for my own personal satisfaction to see if I am still able to hold together the coherent development of an abstract concept that can often only be appreciated intellectually while at the same time still deliver the intended message in an engaging and compelling manner . . . all in the face of what is now rapidly becoming a protracted, copious and convoluted thought process wherein I’m reminded of something my youngest son Evan says about how – on the rare occasion when he begins to get noticeably light-headed when talking – even he is aware that he’s been going on too long – however, I trust you will forgive my effusive excesses of voluble loquaciousness and further that you will not find it too tediously long-winded, complicated or professorial . . . for it was intended only as a humorous trifle to capture your attention for a moment, give you pause for thought of something more interesting and enjoyable than the troublesome, hidden attention-grabbers of the unfortunately and inaccurately named, real world, and finally . . . I would hope that this excessive sentence – which I am excruciatingly aware is composed of well over 500 words – will be received in the manner in which it was intended: to bring a smile to your face and a spring in your step that may not have been otherwise anticipated – and to at last bring this exhaustive communication to a conclusion worthy of your valuable time and attention – so that ye may never be the same again.

daniel w. jacobs
© 2005-2010, all rights reserved

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: